I want to have your abortion
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize