Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
and eventually we just all took our pants off
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
