If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
