also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i think my mom watched the whole time
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
