That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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