i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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