Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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