When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize