She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
