did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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