New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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