If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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