we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
