I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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