Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
