Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
