the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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