The brown eye won't let me do that either.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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