She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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