I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize