i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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