i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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