here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
