I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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