Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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