He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
