I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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