You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize