Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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