I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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