True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
