got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize