8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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