So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
