I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize