I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
