And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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