end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
