Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
