I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
