so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
