nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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