I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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