i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
should my penis look like a turkey
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize