Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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