Plan B is the new Plan A
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
