Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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