I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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