K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
