You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
