the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
