Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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