she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
