Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
