Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
