Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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