he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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