please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
