he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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