Pappa wants mamma naked
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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