My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize