At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
