first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
