I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
