Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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