I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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