then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
