Who did Billy Mays play for?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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