No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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