so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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