remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
