i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
