im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
