You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
