You're completely useless in the revolution.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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