last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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