If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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