i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
