Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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