I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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