Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
