so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
