How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
