Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
