In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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