Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
