I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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