farters have to be the big spoon...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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