there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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