The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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