You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
