so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
