i was born a porn star she said
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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