I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize