When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
