You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What a dumb baby whore.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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