I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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