They should really pass out barf bags in church
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
