I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
