I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
