Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
