Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
