it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
