he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm always down for nudity.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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