I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
