I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
