You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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