Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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