heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
