I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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