sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
