At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
