Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
