Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
