No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
