dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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