He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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